There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
