why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
