you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
