watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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