P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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