If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
