Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
