You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
