just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
