I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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