And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
