I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
