So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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