So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
