Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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