You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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