At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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