So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
