Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I didn't notice because vodka
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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