i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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