Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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