He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
