I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
