its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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