It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The power of my boobs compel you
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
