I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
