i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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