I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
