literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
