i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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