Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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