What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize