They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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