i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
