I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
