I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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