Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
