You're completely useless in the revolution.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
