quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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