just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
