She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize