Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
