he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
