So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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