I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
