She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
