and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
