I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
