You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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