its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
