porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
