i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
