Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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