Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
