just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
