so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
