Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
