I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
