i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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