return my video game
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
