He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
