actually, I'm a sock model
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
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