so explain again why im purple
no
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
