I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
dude. I can hear the air.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
