I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
True strength comes from lack of pants
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
