think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize