Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
