omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I need help removing her.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
