this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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