there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
