is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
